.:: Yubikiri ::.

Funny how when I wanted to start this post,

everything felt like it was going downhill

and now, I feel kinda calm.

I don't know if it's because

I'm listening to Younha's song Yubikiri

that I found by mistake or basically just because

I am SICK of how I'm always succumbing to thoughts

like 'i wish' and 'if only I had'.

Nothing's going to change by thinking that way right?

Eventhough I know all too well,

my mind just wanders on that path way too often.

But now I'm through with it.

I'll make up for what's lost.

I'll make up for what I never had, 

slowly but surely.

I'll make these weaknesses my strength.

.:: Dreams. Is this what you were trying to tell me, heart? ::.

Mood: Hungrry. :/

Lately I wake up from dreams not too far off from reality.

I find myself having to think before I could classify what really happened

and what only happened in the imaginary.

But its difficult seeing how real it feels.

Most times it's not so bad.

I've always somewhat believed Snow White's
"a dream is a wish the heart makes."

But I have to give it to my heart,

it never knows when it should stop wishing.

It always loves to bring up pieces of my past

and somehow harmonize it with the present

in a seemingly, real-life situation.

Of course, there's that 'pinch me' trick.

If you feel pain, then it's real right?

Wrong.

I feel pain even in dreams.

I feel every single emotion that you're supposed to 

feel outside the dream world.

Sadness, hunger, pain.

Happiness, joy, laughter.

Each word uttered is clearly heard.

Each song sung resonates in my head.

Each image seen photographed clearly.

Each emotion felt etched carefully on my heart.

Some emotions I should've long thrown away.

Like regret.

Regret.

Only leads you to a senseless void of despair,

muttering 'if only' and 'i should have'.

Well, hello heart, brain thinks you know clearly by now

we don't have a time machine and 

will never use one even if there was.

Some things cannot be changed.

But dreams insist otherwise,

so nicely melding fond memories of a person

to someone of the same name you no longer talk to.

So I decided, I'm going to put in a little faith

in those dreams.

And this time, if we still can't make up,

then I'll let go of this friendship.

No matter how treasured it was in the past.

Thank you for being with me until a little while back.

And sorry for anything that I might have done wrong.

Let's hope this distance between us can be closed. :)

**Update:
Dear Heart, you were halfway right,
I can't change the past, but the future's a different story.
Thank you for being so persistent. :)
I don't need a time machine to get things back the way they were.