.:: On the other side of that well ::.

It's the SECOND day since my A2 exams ended

And I'm already feeling the pressing need 

to start my next chapter of life.

I expected a break. 

I expected some standstill time in-between,

unproductive passing days like those after SPM,

at least a week to fly past before I pick myself up

and start doing something.

Ironic that I didn't have much to hold on to post-SPM

but I sure stuck with it for way longer compared to what

I want to hold on to now.

I find myself hearing this little voice in my head 

nagging at me.

That little voice wasn't supposed to come out yet.

I'm not supposed to hear you yet.

Because when I do, it means I've got to make a decision again.

I find myself at the cross-roads, one I've been putting off

since I started A-Levels.

I ended Form 5 filled with confidence.

That confidence shrunk halfway through the next year.

I realized too late that there were things that I 'wanted'

and things that I didn't.

I realized for the first time, how heavy the weight of decisions are.

Especially when you're the only one to shoulder that burden.

I wasted scholarship opportunities because

I was applying for all the wrong things;

no wonder I rejected them with such ease.

Until now, I'm not sure if I took A-levels

just because I was postponing the need for me to

make a decision, or whether I had a slight idea

where this life of mine is heading.

Part of me probably expected that I'll come out

from this program with a firmer idea where I was going.

Do I really want to do Actuarial Science?

Was this path meant for me?

But nothing happened.

I'm still the same me,

the same person who still doesn't know

what I want to be, who I'm meant to be,

what I'm meant to do.

Until now, it didn't matter what I did A-Levels for

because it was fun. Honestly.

It didn't matter that my whole lifestyle was warped

like that of a vampire's, waking up at the wrong hours 

of the day to do homework.

It didn't matter that I probably lost a few good years

of my life, pushing my physical capabilities

staying up for last-minute cramming;

I never even knew I had it in me to pull all-nighters

or stay awake for 14+ hours.

It didn't matter because I found new pieces of myself,

experienced  new things, had so many first times

-- outings, birthday celebrations, karaoke,

prom-like graduation, hugs,...

But now it's time to move on.

I feel a calling, but very time I try to follow it,

it brings me to a crossroad and the call ends there.

Like its asking me to choose.

I've been watching InuYasha non-stop yesterday,

and I realized how hard it must've been for Kagome.

She had so many choices to make,

so much to do. But she kept her heart open,

believed in herself and jumped down that Bone-Eater's Well.

So I guess I'll do the same.

I don't know where I'm supposed to go and 

I don't really feel like thinking about it,

but sooner or later I have to find out

what's on the other side of that well.

Dear God, you've always been there for me.

Lend me the strength,

so that whatever I choose,

no matter how bad it its,

I'll be strong enough to make it the right one.

.:: When almost everything makes you feel nostalgic. ::.

When almost everything makes you feel nostalgic,

you know you've been blessed with

countless good times and memories.

Each shard of memory etched so carefully into

songs, tunes, pictures, the scent of the air,

the way someone talks,

the way things look,

the sound of the voices

and...

That smile on your face when it all comes back to you.

Memories are wonderful things, ne?

.:: I won't say hate, but I strongly dislike dentists ::.

Mood: 

Feels like a horse put on reins once more.

Spent a good 5 hours at the dentist's today.

And as of now it's sort of my least favourite place in the world.

Went to the dentist today after having my old set

of braces removed last week to put them back on.

Taking them off was like freedom

and putting them back on like being put into a cage again. :(

My bottom set of teeth surprisingly straightened themselves

out even without having me extract the two teeth I was supposed to,

much to everyone's surprise.

So much for, "We definitely have to extract or there won't

be enough space for them to straighten out."

My old dentist definitely lacked foresight,

as well as many other things

(which I think includes proper dentistry know-how

considering how bad my old set of braces were)

And I have every reason to bear a grudge against him

because apparently, if he didn't extract my top two teeth 

in the first place, I would be all done now;

no need for anymore extraction.

But he did. :/

And so, right after A2, I'm going to have two more teeth pulled out

and most probably another week of porridge diet.

Siggghhh.

And I think my teeth moved a bit too fast,

so the model made last week didn't exactly match mine.

It took ages for the brackets to be stuck on.

(He had to re-stick it on two teeth at least 5 times lols.)

The only thing that made the whole visit a bit better

was this old  lady and her son who chatted with me a bit.

She was telling me stories about her children and grandchildren.

And at the end of the day, they both wished me good luck. :D

The old lady reminded me so much of Grandma,

especially when she told me,

"You have to make sure you study really hard."

and when she was leaving,
"I'm very happy when I see you studying like this."

(Cause I brought my econs notes to read while waiting."

Made my day :)

And now I guess, I've got to go and get rid of this

depressed feeling of having to extract two more teeth

and down at least one chapter of Econs by tonight.

Sigggghhhh. I STRONGLY dislike dentists. :(