10 Things Uni Taught Me.

With the end of exams comes the winter break. One semester to go before I'll be done with this degree I started two years ago. Boy does time fly.

Soon, it'll be that time in life again, where I face crossroads and decisions. I know I've always dreaded decisions; not knowing where each road could lead to is a really scary thing. Am I making the right choices, have I done enough, will I be alright?

But if there's anything these past two years here has taught me, it's that I can stand perfectly on my own two feet. I came here like a scared little fledgling roaming away from her nest for the very first time, with fears that piled up mountain high. I was forced outside my comfort zone and tried to desperately grab a hold of an anchor to mold a new comfort zone because uncertainties and the unknown scared me to no bounds.

But hey, it's been two years. To others, I might have been 'wasting my time' here because I haven't gone out as much and experienced Melbourne. But I've been taking baby steps, small but steady ones outside my 'little world'.

1. I can go around the city on my own now, without needing someone to come with me. I have tried exploring the different routes I can take to uni and now have a few 'shortcuts' of my own. Public transport is no longer something unsafe, it is convenient and reliable. 
2. I discovered the joys of cooking, of making so many different things from the same few ingredients, letting my creativity flow coupled with random cravings every now and then. Honestly, I'm not quite sure how my cooking improved, given that all I've been doing is experimenting based on whimsical ideas that pop into my head when I see a certain ingredient on sale while grocery shopping. 
3. My tolerance for pressure has leveled up. Overloading as well as doing my part in the UMSU Intl has completely rebuilt my tolerance levels. Having to meet so many demands from so many areas of uni life as well as fulfilling my personal expectations often left me with a heavy burden on my shoulder, but just like someone who trains their muscle strength by lifting weights, I guess I've somehow worked myself around it all. Granted, it doesn't always work, I do have times when I panic and break down, but I feel like going through uni has enabled me to take much, much more crap from my surroundings.
4. Chipped away a little perfectionism. I am more than aware that I have always been somewhat of a perfectionist, but uni has taught me that you can't have it all, because 12 weeks is actually very little time. So it's okay not to put in 110% into everything, rather, judgement of how much effort to put into something is extremely crucial especially when you're maintaining a fragile balance between 5 subjects, student union activities and your personal and social life. It actually feels quite liberating to know that you can hold back and take a break, rather than push onward constantly like a deranged bull.
5. If you have time to panic, you have time to plan. Whenever I feel super panicky or unsure about what's going on, I sit down with a piece of paper and start planning out all the things that need to be done/ problems that need to be solved and then order them according to priority. Even if I don't do things according to plan in the end (which usually happens thanks to procrastination/over-indulgence of anime, manga and k-drama/no mood/ being lazy), I'll just re delegate my tasks over the time I have left because that's about all I can do. Also, when all else fails, wash away all that uneasiness with a nice, warm shower and a good nap (or play the guitar).
6. Trust. Honestly, there's so much to say about this given how my naivety of trusting people so much usually ends up throwing me in a state of turmoil. But I've decided that while my heart may be closed off, I'll keep my mind open and let the things that hurt me go because life is way too short to let insignificant, transient things bother me. Regardless of how many people out there may try to bother me, as long as I remember those who stay true to me and love me, that's more than enough.
7. There is no shame in taking the easy way out. This might prove to be the most important lesson I've learnt in uni, maybe. While we should work hard to achieve our goals, there is nothing wrong with taking paths that require the least effort to get there. We live our whole lives trying to be the best, but more often than not, we miss the real point of things. Being the 'best' doesn't equal to forcing yourself to do something more difficult just because your ego thinks you should be able to handle it; more often it's having the judgement of how to achieve your goals in the simplest way that is crucial. I mean, come on, why else do you think mathematicians invented all those formulae to make calculating things easier than having to go through the same, long, boring basic algorithms all the time. Pssh.
8. Believe in yourself; everything will be alright. Because a little self confidence goes a long way in keeping your mind calm and open to ideas that will pave the way to an adequate solution to whatever problems you're facing. There is ALWAYS a solution, though some may come at a higher price than others.
9. Live in the moment and look forward to the future. Looking to the past is fine as long as you remember where you are right now. This moment will only come once, so make the most of it. Even if things are down and depressing, there will be a silver lining on that cloud. So even if times are tough, put on a smile and start looking for that little ray of sun, because things could always have been worse. As long as your heart beats, things are still going great and will get better.
10. What happiness really is. This is probably the linchpin of what decisions I'll make from here on. True happiness comes in different forms for everyone, be it a simple well-cooked meal, a good anime episode or manga chapter or a lazy Sunday afternoon with loved ones.

I actually started writing this post days before my final exam and left it as a draft till today. Perhaps I wanted to leave something as a reminder to my future self, or perhaps I wanted to pen down something concrete to ascertain that I have changed in some ways. 

Today, I met some friends from college; while some of them already know what they'll be doing years from now, some are still as unsure as I am. So I'll trust my heart and take a leap of faith. From here on out, whatever happens, I'll just keep trying my best. 

.:: So here I am ::.

Get into uni, check.

Survive apocalypse, check.

Have a great year, check.

The trouble with writing a blog post while having anime mp3s playing in the background is the constant urge to name the post after one of the songs.

Just like that, 2o12 is over. Time to pay extra attention while writing down that last digit of the date on those papers because you know you're still bound to slip and write '12' instead of '13' one out of ten times. At least for the first month of the year.

This year--- my bad, last year, the water dragon somehow decided that I should tag along on its flight. Up and down, up and down, its curved body moves in the skies like a sine curve. Up and down, up and down, the patterns of my year was dictated, but not without exposure to new experiences, new insights, new places, new things. 

Fireworks, red lanterns, food, pictures, laughter, accompanied by butterflies-- giant moths nesting in my stomach as the New Year was ushered in. While everyone else was wishing each other a Happy Chinese New Year, my mind was busy refreshing a single page for A-Levels results. The relief seeing the 4A*s that were like a dream. Up.

Friends start parting to go their separate ways. Slightly down. Slightly because I'll see them again soon enough.

Choral speaking. Public speaking. Story-telling. Training children to do the things I used to do in school. The feeling of achievement when they win. The feeling of happiness when you receive a present on Teacher's Day. 

KWN Panasonic training. A shift in responsibilities, from participant to facilitator. It gave me insight on how much work really went on behind the scenes of the awesome workshops we have each year. Teamwork and coordination. Hard work and determination to put out the best. Being part of Malaysia's first video meet with Japan as a translator was an honor. Not to mention the launch of the Panasonic 3D video cameras. 

Filming our first documentary on turtles was difficult, but not without its rewards. Following turtle tracks, witnessing a turtle lay its eggs, counting the hundreds of ping-pong shaped eggs and burying them in a protected hatchery, witnessing the hatch-lings climb out of the deep hole their shells were buried in, was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. 

Learning to not fear interviewers. Seeing eye-to-eye with them as people who are looking for something in you. Learning a little more about hypocrisy, politics, scams and lies. Standing up for what's right and criticizing what's ridiculous, even if the planes are tilted and you're on the lower one. 

Melbourne. Accelerated Maths 2. MUOSS. Uni.

Decisions.

Uncertainty.

Fear.

Lack of confidence.

Results.

Sticking by choices.

Hanging on.

Believing.

Calmness.

Relief and joy.

Home, sweet home.

I admit, when I first reached Melbourne, part of me was rejecting it. Part of me wanted to bolt and go home. 

How high does the sycamore grow?

If you cut it down, you will never know.

And I wanted to know. And now I do. I'm glad that I did what I did. I like who I've become.