10 Things Uni Taught Me.

With the end of exams comes the winter break. One semester to go before I'll be done with this degree I started two years ago. Boy does time fly.

Soon, it'll be that time in life again, where I face crossroads and decisions. I know I've always dreaded decisions; not knowing where each road could lead to is a really scary thing. Am I making the right choices, have I done enough, will I be alright?

But if there's anything these past two years here has taught me, it's that I can stand perfectly on my own two feet. I came here like a scared little fledgling roaming away from her nest for the very first time, with fears that piled up mountain high. I was forced outside my comfort zone and tried to desperately grab a hold of an anchor to mold a new comfort zone because uncertainties and the unknown scared me to no bounds.

But hey, it's been two years. To others, I might have been 'wasting my time' here because I haven't gone out as much and experienced Melbourne. But I've been taking baby steps, small but steady ones outside my 'little world'.

1. I can go around the city on my own now, without needing someone to come with me. I have tried exploring the different routes I can take to uni and now have a few 'shortcuts' of my own. Public transport is no longer something unsafe, it is convenient and reliable. 
2. I discovered the joys of cooking, of making so many different things from the same few ingredients, letting my creativity flow coupled with random cravings every now and then. Honestly, I'm not quite sure how my cooking improved, given that all I've been doing is experimenting based on whimsical ideas that pop into my head when I see a certain ingredient on sale while grocery shopping. 
3. My tolerance for pressure has leveled up. Overloading as well as doing my part in the UMSU Intl has completely rebuilt my tolerance levels. Having to meet so many demands from so many areas of uni life as well as fulfilling my personal expectations often left me with a heavy burden on my shoulder, but just like someone who trains their muscle strength by lifting weights, I guess I've somehow worked myself around it all. Granted, it doesn't always work, I do have times when I panic and break down, but I feel like going through uni has enabled me to take much, much more crap from my surroundings.
4. Chipped away a little perfectionism. I am more than aware that I have always been somewhat of a perfectionist, but uni has taught me that you can't have it all, because 12 weeks is actually very little time. So it's okay not to put in 110% into everything, rather, judgement of how much effort to put into something is extremely crucial especially when you're maintaining a fragile balance between 5 subjects, student union activities and your personal and social life. It actually feels quite liberating to know that you can hold back and take a break, rather than push onward constantly like a deranged bull.
5. If you have time to panic, you have time to plan. Whenever I feel super panicky or unsure about what's going on, I sit down with a piece of paper and start planning out all the things that need to be done/ problems that need to be solved and then order them according to priority. Even if I don't do things according to plan in the end (which usually happens thanks to procrastination/over-indulgence of anime, manga and k-drama/no mood/ being lazy), I'll just re delegate my tasks over the time I have left because that's about all I can do. Also, when all else fails, wash away all that uneasiness with a nice, warm shower and a good nap (or play the guitar).
6. Trust. Honestly, there's so much to say about this given how my naivety of trusting people so much usually ends up throwing me in a state of turmoil. But I've decided that while my heart may be closed off, I'll keep my mind open and let the things that hurt me go because life is way too short to let insignificant, transient things bother me. Regardless of how many people out there may try to bother me, as long as I remember those who stay true to me and love me, that's more than enough.
7. There is no shame in taking the easy way out. This might prove to be the most important lesson I've learnt in uni, maybe. While we should work hard to achieve our goals, there is nothing wrong with taking paths that require the least effort to get there. We live our whole lives trying to be the best, but more often than not, we miss the real point of things. Being the 'best' doesn't equal to forcing yourself to do something more difficult just because your ego thinks you should be able to handle it; more often it's having the judgement of how to achieve your goals in the simplest way that is crucial. I mean, come on, why else do you think mathematicians invented all those formulae to make calculating things easier than having to go through the same, long, boring basic algorithms all the time. Pssh.
8. Believe in yourself; everything will be alright. Because a little self confidence goes a long way in keeping your mind calm and open to ideas that will pave the way to an adequate solution to whatever problems you're facing. There is ALWAYS a solution, though some may come at a higher price than others.
9. Live in the moment and look forward to the future. Looking to the past is fine as long as you remember where you are right now. This moment will only come once, so make the most of it. Even if things are down and depressing, there will be a silver lining on that cloud. So even if times are tough, put on a smile and start looking for that little ray of sun, because things could always have been worse. As long as your heart beats, things are still going great and will get better.
10. What happiness really is. This is probably the linchpin of what decisions I'll make from here on. True happiness comes in different forms for everyone, be it a simple well-cooked meal, a good anime episode or manga chapter or a lazy Sunday afternoon with loved ones.

I actually started writing this post days before my final exam and left it as a draft till today. Perhaps I wanted to leave something as a reminder to my future self, or perhaps I wanted to pen down something concrete to ascertain that I have changed in some ways. 

Today, I met some friends from college; while some of them already know what they'll be doing years from now, some are still as unsure as I am. So I'll trust my heart and take a leap of faith. From here on out, whatever happens, I'll just keep trying my best. 

Halfway there.

So it's been forever since I've last posted anything so I figured I'd drop a post since it is the Easter holidays and I haven't written anything much in English, save for text messages and UMSU Intl's fortnightly newsletter. Time to keep up with my New Year's Resolutions to write more.

This semester started as a really crazy one right off the bat. Summer was really relaxed with only two days of classes (since I skipped all my Intermediate Microeconomics lectures) so going back to the 18 hours per week required a huge gear shift. It didn't really help that I only came back on a Tuesday and missed four lectures on Day 1, nor that I nearly had a heart attack when my luggage went into the oversized baggage department for the first time. I guess I shouldn't really diss my stamina as I managed to get my groceries, go for class, unpack and clean my whole unit the day I landed in Melbourne. That was probably my most productive day ever.

Fast forward into the semester, the tides turned violent and the pressure on my shoulders got heavier. Everything was a lot harder than before, all my subjects have stepped up at least a notch or two. And I learned some important life lessons that I had forgotten. What friendship was and wasn't, who to trust and who to be wary of. I guess being surrounded by really nice people in college really made me let my guard down; I had forgotten to be skeptical and had grown to be really naive. The wake up call was harsh, but at the same time, it was one I was glad for.

The value of foresight also became really apparent to me. Being able to plan ahead for some things really does help reduce the burden. Being able to decide what I was capable of, how much I could really handle was also really important; so many times we overestimate our abilities, thinking we should be able to do more and criticizing ourselves for not being able to achieve those expectations. I guess I'm really lucky because I have people who are there to remind me that it's okay to not be able to do everything. It's okay to be wrong. It's okay to be weak and rely on someone else. It's okay to take a break and fall back. It's okay to go back on certain decisions. It's okay, as long as you remember what's important, why you're where you are and what you really want to achieve.

When things are really bad, it's okay to cry. Cry your heart out as much as you want, but never cry again for the same things. Let it go. You decide what bothers you, so don't let them in your head because they aren't worth it. There are always better things in life more worth your time.

The past two weeks have been dreadful for me, to be honest. Never-ending assignments, deadlines, work, work and more work. It has been a really long time since I last lost my voice or had a fever that dragged out for days or had my patience tested to it's limits. But all's well that ends well. :) Easter break is here and I'm in the best place on Earth recuperating, reflecting on the first half of the semester. 

I'm writing this so that the next time the world decides to crumble on me again, I'll know that I've been there, done that and can do it again. And to remind myself that they weren't all only bad times; where there are shadows, there's also light after all. And the finale to week 7 where I pack my bags to come home was just the very best.

So quickly have 7 weeks gone by, I'm already halfway there. Halfway there, all beat up but standing strong. Halfway there; bring it on.