.:: aLoNe - Shimokawa Mikuni ::.

Mood: To be honest, I'm feeling a bit down.

Firstly,
I'm actually afraid.
I'm afraid that I'm not the person I used to be.
I'm afraid that I've changed.

I'm not going to state the reasons,
they are kinda apparent.
Inside, I'm scared. Is it really okay to change?
Eventhough I know the answer is NO.
(I have my reasons for this as well)

Secondly,
well, it hasn't been raining enough.
I mean, its only drizzling...
I miss the heavy rainstorms.
But the wind has been blowing rather frequently,
so I'm a bit contented.

I guess, well, after some self-reflection,
all I can do right now is trust in myself
and be who I am,
rather than listen to what others say.
So What if I'm NOT up-to-date, blurrish,
sometimes have no common sense,
boring and always sits alone?
That's part of being me, right?

Well, almost. I didn't really sit alone till
I transferred to SABS.
That's probably something to add to my list of
'why-i-should-regret"
But then again, it can't be helped,
cause I don't know anyone that well there.
One way or another, I'm always left out in some parts.
So, I guess it's okay to be always lonely, right?

And I can't find out about homework like I could
in SMART. I mean,
back then, whenever I didn't go to school,
Gaaya would call and tell me my homework,
Priya and Chew Yee take turns to keep it
or send it to my house...
AND right now,
I can't even call anyone to find out
what homework we have.

But, I know that,
I shouldn't have to rely on anyone else.
So I've decided not to regret.
And try my absolute best in everything.
Even if i end up ridiculed or made fun of,
at the very least, I tried.

And even if I end up getting hated,
I think it's worth it because
I got hated for who I AM and not loved for someone I'm NOT.

AND the tittle for today's post is ALONE because,
that's the song that keeps playing in my mind everytime
I'm thinking sad stuff. It cheers me up.
And actually, that's what made me realise what to do after this.
I owe it all to anime =)

kawaita kaze ga fuku
machi wa kogoete-iru
ikutsu no kisetsu ga sotto oto mo naku
sugisatta no darou
A dry breeze is blowing
The city is getting cold
I wonder how many seasons have passed
without even a sound?

yukikau hito wa mina
omoi nimotsu seotte
tooku ni yureru kagerou no naka ni
ashita wo mitsukeru
All of the people coming and going
bear heavy burdens,
searching for tomorrow
within the heat haze wavering in the distance.

kono te wo koboreochiru
suna no you na kanjou
ano toki mune ni sasatta
kotoba ga fui ni uzuku kedo
Feelings like sand
falling through my hands...
Back then, the words that pierced my heart
suddenly started to throb with pain, but...

hatenai yoru wo kazoe nagara
jibun no kakera sagashite-ita
ushinau hodo ni kono omoi ga
tashika ni natte'ku
ima nara kitto aruite yukeru doko made mo
I've searched for pieces of myself,
counting the endless nights all the while.
These feelings are becoming so certain
I almost lose myself.
Right now, without fail, I will walk forward, however far.

doushite kono sora wa
konna ni hiroi no darou
sakende mite mo koe ni naranakute
namida ga afureta
I wonder, why is the sky
so vast?
Even though I tried to yell, my voice didn't come
and the tears poured out.

jiyuu ni kaze kitte
tori-tachi wa doko e yuku no?
sugoshita jikan no you ni
onaji basho ni modorenai
I wonder where the birds are flying off to,
as they freely slice through the wind?
One can't return to the same place
as it once was in days gone by.

kono mama yume wo akiramete mo
takanaru kodou osae kirenai
itsuka wa kitto chikadzukitai
ano kumo no takasa [1]
mou ichido kokoro ni tsubasa hiroge tabidatou
Even if I give up my dream like this,
I won't suppress my soaring heartbeat.
Someday, I want to reach
as high as the clouds. [1]
I'll spread wide the wings in my heart and journey once again

kanarazu tadoritsukeru hazu
I will reach it, without fail.

hatenai yoru wo kazoe nagara
jibun no kakera sagashite-ita
ushinau hodo ni kono omoi ga
tashika ni natte'ku
ima nara kitto aruite yukeru doko made mo
I've searched for pieces of myself,
counting the endless nights all the while.
These feelings are becoming so certain
I almost lose myself.
Right now, without fail, I will walk forward, however far.