..:: RaiN's SYMPHoNY ::.

Now that I think about it, the last digit of 2011 signified many '1st-s' to come.

2012-01-25T04:34:00.000-08:00

So it's that time of the year again,

when a new one comes after one ends.

(though it's a bit late)

T h a n k y o u 2 0 1 1 .

For all the firsts.

For all the love and joy.

For all the memories.

For the nostalgic tears I will cry when I look back at all

the pictures, videos and lame jokes we made.

Tears that I am thankful for.
Momiji's happy-go-lucky-ness definitely rubbed
off on me this year. =)

[WARNING:
Loads of sentences will start with

'my first time', 'first experience' and many other 'firsts.']

The year started off a notch busier than the semester before.

First class photo during Pav's birthday.

Of course, Jee An and Aryl felt the need to spoil it for me.

I remember how there was way too much cake that day. :D

When I think of Orange now, I think of all that corruption

on the Fridays we used to stay back and have lunch.

How we first lost face in TGIF Pyramid.

Truth-or-dare. Never pick either one.

(ESPECIALLY when Pav is asking the questions)

First kiss on the cheek by Harmeet -- Dare.
What happens at the table, stays in the table.

A little further down the month,

came CNY! :)

Pictures of our first time stepping into a decorated Chinatown,

despite going back there almost every year.

And then Mum let me host my first BBQ at the apartment.

The swimming - Alvin pushing Hafizul into the pool,
The longest UNO stacko game ever -- Mr &Ms Malaysia,

Chess - how Pav and Clandia teamed up against me

and Sien when they both didn't know how to play :P

The drive to and fro the apartment

- how the guys wanted me to go against the speed limit

and kindly offered to pay for any summons I got in return.

Of course I never did.

Moral studies presentation :)

First picture in Econs class. :D

My first time attending the No Apologies workshop.

And I still keep the pledge card. :)

First time in Italliannies.
(I think that's what it's called)

My first time hiding under the tables in the lecture hall
waiting for Ms Amy :P

And then of course, came my first major
exam that year. AS. o__o

Of course, even then we still found ways to have fun.
Paper clip accessories! And Monopoly Deal. =D

And then some time to breathe post-AS.
First movie with lecturers. RIO. :D

First prom-like event. AAA Night.
Of dresses and suits, dances and hurt feet
washed away by the awesomeness of being together. :)

And after that, everything felt like it was on fast-forward.
Third semester was unbelievably busy.
And halfway through came our first results.

It was one of those awkward moments when
everyone believes in you when you can't believe in yourself.
And thankfully, they were right.
A week before results came out was Li's birthday.
So they made a double celebration,
even before I got my results.
It was nice of them, but scary.
Then again, it was comforting when Mum said,
"It's alright cause we all know you did your best."

Even so, logging in was such a pain.
The fear, the nervousness.
If taking the exam was nerve-wrecking,
then judgement day was brain incapacitating.

In the end, it was my sister in Kuantan who managed to log in.
And I jumped up and down seeing the results.
So that week when I got back to Kuantan,
we had another big dinner in Balok.
Another double celebration.
Confirmation of my results and Pink's graduation.
It was all probably just an excuse
to spend some good family time out,
but I'm glad the excuse could be used.

For the first time in a while, a picture of us siblings
with both Grandma and Grandpa.
Them who are super reluctant to have their picture taken.
There you go. A picture worth more than a thousand words and gold.

Oh yeah. Somewhere in the year,
I put on braces.
The first time I was exposed to such pain.
Patience and pain tolerance thresholds were tested.
When I talk about braces now,
the mood tends to darken,
(I NO LIKE dentists.)
so moving on.

Before I knew it, it was two weeks before trials.
In the face of examinations, there are always temptations.
Such as. The trip to Langkawi.
It took an entire week of convincing
& pretty effective reverse-psychology from Mum
and a little push from my friends that made me
jump onto that crazy pre-booked trip to Langkawi.
I'm super thankful for everyone who thought
I deserved this break, because it really did me some good.

My first picture with a snake.

My first time bathing in a lake.
A lake where Jian Hui drowned
his new Sony Ericsson and wallet.

Tasik Dayang Bunting.

My first time snorkelling.

First experience on a two-wheeled terrain ride.

My first time being close to SO MUCH CHOCOLATE. Ugh.

And then, it was back to college.

First A-Levels Bad Hair Day.

Even Ms Yap joined in! :D

First experience as an Eskimo.

And then came trials.
And then came A2.
And there went my first times pulling all-nighters.
It was like SPM all over again, only worst.
And then came our freedom, separation (temporary)
before...

My birthday :)

And then there was the trip to Penang.
And for Christmas, we went to USS again :)

With the super cool cast of Waterworld.
I feel like I have a tendency to be bullied anywhere.
Even by an unknown actor I just met.
My hair got wet after this picture -___-|||
The trip included my first time on the Cylon
and Transformers ride. :D
Awesomeness.

And the end of the year was spent
at home with family. :)

All in all, I'd say it was a great year.
One I would definitely miss.
And even if this year should bring us onto
different paths, I'll welcome them all,
because it was the same when you people came into my lives.
Thank you for everything.
Thank you for making me who I am today. :)
Hello 2012! :)
It's finally Hatori's year.
Let's make it a great one. ^^

.:: A roller coaster ride ::.

2011-12-30T09:16:00.000-08:00

Mood: Utter frustration.

There are things that I cannot understand,

things I cannot do,

things I cannot accept.

Labels for example.

What makes a person smarter than the other?

Grades? IQ scores? Credits?

People are different, yet we're essentially the same.

Who is to say that one cannot succeed?

Who is to say that one definitely will?

No one was born with a label

'smarter than the other' on their heads.

And therefore, no one is born with a label

'doomed to fail' on their heads.

And then there's fate.

Who is to say that it exists?

Who is to say that it doesn't?

No one knows the future,

and if one were to draw it out,

it'd be like drawing a multi-layered plan

with infinite routes,

each having equal possibilities of happening.

Oh but according to laws of probabilities,

surely one is more likely to happen than the other?

I don't think so.

I believe in fate.

But the fate I believe in is carved by our own

hands and is never set in stone.

Because we choose what route we take

and we're not robots who act on probability.

We act on emotions, instincts and 'leaps of faith'

If there was only a 0.00001% chance of being

able to save a loved one, would we do it?

If there was an equally small chance of being saved

and surviving together, would we want to be saved?

It kinda depends on the person, doesn't it?

But if it was an animal,

it'd be an immediate yes.

Because animals don't calculate.

Because animals don't judge.

Because they would only have one goal

and they instinctively act towards that one aim,

putting their all into it.

So why are we different?
We complicate things.

We set so many goals for ourselves,

hold onto so many expectations

that we unconsciously suffocate in them.

We put ourselves in a bind because we don't

know which direction to take,

because we fear what lies ahead,

because our so-called intelligence allows us to anticipate.

Our memory allows us to remember and regret past actions

which forms chains that stop us from moving forward.

No one would be immediately eager to leap into a

swimming pool after almost getting drowned.

Nor would they barbecue anything after almost dying in a fire.

But even so, we can carry on.

If we have enough determination to do so , we can change.

Oh and then there's another thing I cannot understand.

Fear of things we've never experienced before.

I don't understand the basis of this fear,

but I feel it anyway.

The words 'What if' weigh way

too strongly in my mind

for my liking.

When I was in Universal Studios Singapore,

me and my siblings were so excited to ride the Cylon.

It's one of the two roller coasters that meet each other

and it goes 360 degrees five times

(in description, but I only felt 3)

and it's the swing-like type of coaster,

something I had yet to try at that moment.

It was a super long queue

(no thanks to the other 22999 visitors in the theme park)

so we had plenty of time to anticipate it.

I cannot express the amount of fear

I felt waiting to go on that ride.

There was a technical error before it was opened

a few minutes after and it didn't help that Mum

was putting all kinds of thoughts in my head;

mainly worst-case scenarios of course.

Countless times I considered bailing,

which I found ridiculous because it

wasn't even that scary when I was actually on it.

So why do we do that to ourselves?

Create worst-case scenarios of 'what if-s'

and almost stop ourselves from something good.

Why do we fear something we don't even know?

Ironic how children fear nothing when they have so

much they don't know and then when they grow,

suddenly their unfounded fears start growing.

I want to say that I learnt something from

that roller coaster ride, but I'm not too confident about it.

I want to say that I've learnt that we shouldn't

let fear stop us from doing anything.

I want to say that if I were to dismiss an option

it would be because I know for sure that

my abilities won't be able to match up the occasion

and not because of 'what if-s', but then again

we never know till we try.

I want to say that from now on I'll take on the

future without fear, but I can only try.

What I can say is that

Life is like a roller-coaster ride.

We may all fear what happens on that ride,

but we lined up for it anyways.

No one forced us into doing it, but we still do.

And in a way, the fear of anticipation

will only add to the amount of relief and joy

once you've made your choice the right one.

Notice I didn't say when you make the right choice,

because from what I know, there is no such thing.

A quote from the back of my head

whose origins I cannot recall:

"There is no right or wrong, only difference."

Now excuse me,

I have a roller coaster to ride

and enjoy while it lasts. :)

Final Mood:
Frustration gone.

I love how blogging transforms

all negative emotions into a lesson.

So I guess that's the moral of today's story

(though it doesn't sound much like one hee.)

.:: ::.

2011-12-01T09:55:00.000-08:00

So what do you do the people you thought would make you

laugh were the ones that made you cry?

You cry as much as you want,

praying it would rain,

sing a sad song and

then remind yourself to never take off that mask again.

I didn't apologize

because I knew that it'd be pointless.

You'll never change who I am in your eyes.

And I'll never stop being the person

reflected in your eyes.

Because it's already a perception set in stone.

We're blind to each other's thoughts

and we'll never see eye-to-eye,

though sometimes it seems like we're close.

Everything that's done had only one intention

in your eyes so let it be.

If it seemed like the world had to revolve around me,

then I'm sorry.

But if anything, I'm glad for one thing.

That you've never stopped believing in me.

So much so that it makes me feel like you're just

pushing on that faith because you don't

want to admit to yourself that I'm not all that.

But I'm only human.

And I had to be me.

For all the things I've taken.

I'm sorry.

For all the things I've broken.

I'm sorry.

For never being able to really change,

for always forgetting myself and relapsing.

I'm sorry.

I may not know all my flaws and weaknesses,

but I had hoped you'd help me change.

But I don't blame you because you've all stuck with the selfish me

and had hoped that I'd notice and change myself.

For not noticing, for not changing.

I'm sorry.

God gave me two feet but it seems like I can never

stand right on my own.

I'm sorry for always relying on you,

for being a burden eventhough you have

your own matters to worry about.

If it seemed like I've always been blaming you,

I'm sorry.

For not having the courage or

the calmness to tell you this in person,

I'm sorry.

Ah, this post will probably make you angry too.

I'm sorry for that as well.

Those were never my intentions,

but you'll never believe me, so I'll apologize in advance.

I had a horrible day today.

But let's just say a lesson was learnt.

In a sea of familiarity, its unbelievably easy

to realize that when it comes down to things,

everyone is truly alone.

Sometimes I wish I'd never opened those doors.

I want to go back to those days when all

of these were hidden from me.

To those times where I didn't need to

pretend everything was alright,

when I didn't have to hide behind a mask.

When it wasn't this difficult to answer a simple question of

'Who am I?"

Because right now, I don't know anymore.

.:: On the other side of that well ::.

2011-11-23T19:36:00.000-08:00

It's the SECOND day since my A2 exams ended

And I'm already feeling the pressing need

to start my next chapter of life.

I expected a break.

I expected some standstill time in-between,

unproductive passing days like those after SPM,

at least a week to fly past before I pick myself up

and start doing something.

Ironic that I didn't have much to hold on to post-SPM

but I sure stuck with it for way longer compared to what

I want to hold on to now.

I find myself hearing this little voice in my head

nagging at me.

That little voice wasn't supposed to come out yet.

I'm not supposed to hear you yet.

Because when I do, it means I've got to make a decision again.

I find myself at the cross-roads, one I've been putting off

since I started A-Levels.

I ended Form 5 filled with confidence.

That confidence shrunk halfway through the next year.

I realized too late that there were things that I 'wanted'

and things that I didn't.

I realized for the first time, how heavy the weight of decisions are.

Especially when you're the only one to shoulder that burden.

I wasted scholarship opportunities because

I was applying for all the wrong things;

no wonder I rejected them with such ease.

Until now, I'm not sure if I took A-levels

just because I was postponing the need for me to

make a decision, or whether I had a slight idea

where this life of mine is heading.

Part of me probably expected that I'll come out

from this program with a firmer idea where I was going.

Do I really want to do Actuarial Science?

Was this path meant for me?

But nothing happened.

I'm still the same me,

the same person who still doesn't know

what I want to be, who I'm meant to be,

what I'm meant to do.

Until now, it didn't matter what I did A-Levels for

because it was fun. Honestly.

It didn't matter that my whole lifestyle was warped

like that of a vampire's, waking up at the wrong hours

of the day to do homework.

It didn't matter that I probably lost a few good years

of my life, pushing my physical capabilities

staying up for last-minute cramming;

I never even knew I had it in me to pull all-nighters

or stay awake for 14+ hours.

It didn't matter because I found new pieces of myself,

experienced new things, had so many first times

-- outings, birthday celebrations, karaoke,

prom-like graduation, hugs,...

But now it's time to move on.

I feel a calling, but very time I try to follow it,

it brings me to a crossroad and the call ends there.

Like its asking me to choose.

I've been watching InuYasha non-stop yesterday,

and I realized how hard it must've been for Kagome.

She had so many choices to make,

so much to do. But she kept her heart open,

believed in herself and jumped down that Bone-Eater's Well.

So I guess I'll do the same.

I don't know where I'm supposed to go and

I don't really feel like thinking about it,

but sooner or later I have to find out

what's on the other side of that well.

Dear God, you've always been there for me.

Lend me the strength,

so that whatever I choose,

no matter how bad it its,

I'll be strong enough to make it the right one.

.:: When almost everything makes you feel nostalgic. ::.

2011-11-03T06:24:00.000-07:00

When almost everything makes you feel nostalgic,

you know you've been blessed with

countless good times and memories.

Each shard of memory etched so carefully into

songs, tunes, pictures, the scent of the air,

the way someone talks,

the way things look,

the sound of the voices

and...

That smile on your face when it all comes back to you.

Memories are wonderful things, ne?

.:: I won't say hate, but I strongly dislike dentists ::.

2011-11-01T03:10:00.000-07:00

Mood:

Feels like a horse put on reins once more.

Spent a good 5 hours at the dentist's today.

And as of now it's sort of my least favourite place in the world.

Went to the dentist today after having my old set

of braces removed last week to put them back on.

Taking them off was like freedom

and putting them back on like being put into a cage again. :(

My bottom set of teeth surprisingly straightened themselves

out even without having me extract the two teeth I was supposed to,

much to everyone's surprise.

So much for, "We definitely have to extract or there won't

be enough space for them to straighten out."

My old dentist definitely lacked foresight,

as well as many other things

(which I think includes proper dentistry know-how

considering how bad my old set of braces were)

And I have every reason to bear a grudge against him

because apparently, if he didn't extract my top two teeth

in the first place, I would be all done now;

no need for anymore extraction.

But he did. :/

And so, right after A2, I'm going to have two more teeth pulled out

and most probably another week of porridge diet.

Siggghhh.

And I think my teeth moved a bit too fast,

so the model made last week didn't exactly match mine.

It took ages for the brackets to be stuck on.

(He had to re-stick it on two teeth at least 5 times lols.)

The only thing that made the whole visit a bit better

was this old lady and her son who chatted with me a bit.

She was telling me stories about her children and grandchildren.

And at the end of the day, they both wished me good luck. :D

The old lady reminded me so much of Grandma,

especially when she told me,

"You have to make sure you study really hard."

and when she was leaving,
"I'm very happy when I see you studying like this."

(Cause I brought my econs notes to read while waiting."

Made my day :)

And now I guess, I've got to go and get rid of this

depressed feeling of having to extract two more teeth

and down at least one chapter of Econs by tonight.

Sigggghhhh. I STRONGLY dislike dentists. :(

.:: It finally hit me. ::.

2011-10-23T21:05:00.000-07:00

Mood: I guess this is a bittersweet feeling,

since it's not like I'll never see them again.

Dreamt about being in class,

going out for lunch in Medan

and just plaintively discussing math homework.

(Math was probably the subject since it was my favourite

and cause I was up doing P3 till 5am yesterday)

And then it hit me.

That those peaceful days were over.

I'll never get to go to class with them again,

never have another one of those treasured lessons

laughing endlessly at the many lame jokes and teasing.

I'll never get to spend free periods in the library

talking, laughing

(and braiding the last time me, Pav and Clan were there)

while trying to complete homework.

I woke up today, feeling a little lonely

because I miss you guys.

And I'm probably lagging when it comes to

emotions at the moment, but it finally hit me

that my college days have ended.

Thank God we'll still be able to have lunches

and outings together after A2.

Now I want A2 to end more than ever.

But I'm also glad for A2 cause

I'll be seeing you all in college.

I guess the whole point of today's post

is just to say;

I miss you all. Loads.

Can't wait to see you all this Friday,

even if it's because we're having exams. =)

Love you all.

.:: Of all the things to be missing now. ::.

2011-10-23T20:43:00.000-07:00

Dear fear,
Your absence isn't really helping to convince me A2's so near,
Now's about the time for you to appear

So my brain can finally kick start its gear.
Really wish you were here.

I'm convinced my nervous mode

is officially in need of a replacement,
ever since after trials.
Oh well, having said that I'm still pretty sure
that the butterflies will come back
and pay a visit right before I enter that exam hall. XD

.:: Jelly =D ::.

2011-10-16T02:08:00.000-07:00

Quick post to make up for the null updates.

Made my very first jelly dessert by myself today.

Inspired by Kitchen Princess

& Yumeiro Patissiere =D
So so much fun!! ^^

The thing is, I'm not really one for desserts,

I just like making them :P

One of the seven cups of jelly

from 1 1/2 well-spent hours.

Maybe after A2 I should try baking. =D

Been alternating between Physics,

Hanasakeru Seishonen and Huan Zhu Ge Ge

the past two weeks.

I should probably get back to Econs now

before this blogpost becomes all about

Fang Li Ren. <3 =P

.:: When the world decides to spin the other way round ::.

2011-09-13T04:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think it's just me,

that without realizing it,

I've just opened the door to the real world

that I've put off opening till now.

I had been afraid of the things behind that door,

and I guess now, my childhood intuition was right.

Everything around me seems to

be still flowing the way it was,

but things are changing.

Some people who, a few months ago,

I considered to be important to me,

somehow feel a bit more distant than when we first met.

Others start acting out of character

and some are just so confusing,

I'd rather not think about anymore.

But I'm glad, in the midst of all these,

I still have people I can rely on.

People who haven't changed.

People who, when I talk to, make me realize

that I haven't changed either. =)

And just for that reason alone,

I shall continue smiling. :)

Even if I'm no longer familiar with this world

I'm living in anymore, there are still 'landmarks'

for me to look.

No matter how much changes,

there will always be never-changing things.

The door is open. It can never be closed again.

My whole world has started to spin the other way round

and I have no choice but to follow.

Even so, I still make my own decisions,

and I still am who I am.

The past week (mocks) have thought me

about the true strength of willpower.

And the magic of believing.

If Ayumu Narumi can gamble his life

on faith, so can I.

Because right now I'm alive.

And life is way too short to be

worrying about the world.

After all, who knows,

while I continue to do what I do,

maybe one day I can bring

this world back to its original orbit.

It's like a transmutation circle.

Only when its complete can you have alchemy. :)

.:: Nanairo No Compass English Translation ::.

2011-09-12T07:56:00.000-07:00

NOTE: It's my first time translating lyrics and

I've never had formal Japanese classes,

so this is based on what I've picked up from

the ton of anime I've watched. :)

Just had to translate it since it's such a super sweet song! :)

I could melt hearing Tokiya's voice. <3
Do correct me if there are any mistakes.
Will translate the rest of the songs if

no one else will :)

Nanairo No Compass - Mamoru Miyano

Ah… Kimi dake ni todoke

Kono kaze no oto yo Feeling heart…

Ahhh... only to you will it reach

The sound of this wind. Feeling heart.

Mou nakanakute ii yo sono mama de ii

Sora wo mite Ah… My sweetest love

You don’t have to cry anymore, just stay as you are

Look at the skies. Ah, My sweetest love

Blue… aoku kagayaku hoho wo tsutau sono shizuku

Rise… shitte ita kai? Asu e no hikari dato

Truth… kimi wa tabun ne jibun wo mada yoku shiranai

Sono namida wa kitto kimi wo michibiku niji ni naru

Blue. That blue sparkling tear that slowly trails down your cheek

Rise. Did you know? The light that leads us to tomorrow

Truth. You probably still don't know yourself that well

Those tears will definitely become a rainbow that guides you.

Nagai tabi ni kogoeru nara

Ah… uta de atatamete ageru yo

If you get cold on your long journey

Ah, I’ll warm you up with a song

Kimi ga negau koto no zenbu ga hoshi ni naranai kamoshirenai

Dakedo shinjiru yume de areba

Ikusen aru 「yozora no ichiban kirameku hazu no houseki」 saa

All the things you wish for might not become stars

But if you have a dream you believe in

There will be thousands of the brightest shining jewels in the night sky

Think… oboeteru kai? Kaerimichi no yuuyake wo

Yes… hashai de ita mirai chizu hirogete

Dream… itsukara darou? Mune ga shimetsukerareru yo

Terasareru kokoro chikuri otona no aji datta

Think. Do you remember? The sunset on the way home.

Yes. The happiness as the map of the future was opened

Dream. I wonder since when? My chest tightens up.

A prickling adult taste shines on my heart

Hitori kiri ja dekinai koto mo

Ah… Kimi to norikoete ikitai

Even things that can’t be done alone,

Ah, I want to overcome them with you

Kimi ga egao ni naru koto naraba

Kami-sama ni datte uso wo tsuku

Ai to yoberu kurai ni suki dakara

Issho ni kite hoshii yo Na mo naki monogatari e to

Fly to sky

If it’s something that can make you smile,

Even God would lie

Because I like you to the point of love

I want to go together with you

To the nameless rainbow

Fly to sky

Mou nakanakute ii yo sono mama de ii

Kimi wo mamorasete hoshii’n da

Futari shinjiru yume de areba

Ano hi no taiyou yori zettai ni sugoku kirei na

Nanairo wo furaserareru… sekai ni

You don’t have to cry anymore, just stay as you are

I want to protect you

If we have a dream we both believe in

Definitely, even more than the sun of that day,

Extremely beautiful seven colours will shine

On the world

.:: Grandma dearest, you inspire me :) ::.

2011-08-29T09:17:00.000-07:00

Mood: Feel like it's impossible to ever get back into

shape. Not after I've melted so much.

The culprit, as always, is Usui Takumi! <3

It's difficult to stay solid facing him =/

Misa-chan's so sturdy =3

I seem to be accident prone lately.

Tripped over a chair yesterday

just because my toe caught onto one of the legs.

Bruised my knees and cut my pinky toe

and now the joint on my left knee hurts when

I absent-mindedly support myself on it,

or walk too fast.

Had stomach ache the whole morning

-- but I wasn't alone,

probably food poisoning again.

Hurt my other leg while sparring kicks with Li.

(Don't ask. We power rangers have ways of doing things.)

And well, the usual braces cutting my cheeks.

Oh well. Still alive and kicking,

so that's all that counts. :)

Before I took a nap this evening,

Grandma was outside (viewable from my window)

cleaning up the ancient-looking stuff that had

been farming dust bunnies in Grandpa's storeroom

for countless years now.

She wiped them clean one by one, using a rag cloth

and a small bucket of water.

Most of the stuff there were like old stationery

(from the times when Grandpa still sold those),

really old toys, playing cards and etc,

probably not of much use anymore.

But she was wiping them clean,

one by one, making sure each little tiny corner

of the object was dust-free before putting them into

a separate basket.

Since she's always particular about the cleanliness of

her belongings, I didn't really pay much attention to it

and went to bed after announcing to everyone

that I was going to sleep.

(I'm really super mean if woken up wrongly.)

When I woke up (about two-three hours later)

Grandma was still there, still wiping the items.

I didn't give it much thought,

got out from bed and starting flipping through my

Econs textbook, till I found the Kaname Zero bookmark

on the page where I last read.

I lasted a little more than one page

before the heat got to me.

And I was about to switch on the air-cond,

when I realized, Grandma was still out there.

Out there, where it was obviously way warmer

than my room with a fan on.

Out there, still cleaning tiny little items

that probably aren't worth much.

It was her dedication that hit me.

If we switched places, I probably wouldn't have lasted

that long out there.

At that time, all I could think of was how

Grandma would've been so much more suited

to studying A-levels compared to me.

But she never could.

Because she was never given the chance to study

back when she was my age.

So she does all she can to make sure that I can.

There is no one else who spoils me more than her,

making sure I have everything I could possibly need.

It's always her that brings me little treats of fruits

or cups of tea or tidbits when I lock myself in my room

in an attempt to study.

It's always her who comforts me when I'm feeling down

and have no one else to tell.

And she doesn't even need to ask.

To me, Grandma is like some being of magic.

She's like the Fairy Godmother, she helps sew & alter our

clothes when she sees that it doesn't perfectly fit us,

despite how difficult it must have been,

with her ageing eyesight and the manual sewing machine.

She's like the Kitchen Fairy,

always able to conjure out the most

delicious albeit simplest of dishes

that I'd always eat even if my appetite had previously been lost.

She's like the enchanting storyteller who lasted 1001 nights,

with all the stories she tells us,

even if I've heard them tons of times already.

She's a gazillion of other things,

all so wonderful and admirable.

And right now, she's my source of inspiration.

Who I will not let down at any cost.

Simply because,

I love you, Grandma dearest <3

Thank you for being here with me. :)

.:: Little things I've come to notice. ::.

2011-08-27T18:35:00.000-07:00

I somehow find that when I'm cramming for

exams is the time that I'm learning the most.

The week has been a rather fast one,

it feels just like yesterday that I was

contemplating on whether or not I should go to Langkawi,

and then coming back and having a little more than a week

left for my mock exams.

I remember all the mixed feelings and indecisiveness

piled up inside of me, knowing each tiny thing I do

definitely comes with its consequence.

I still feel worried sick sometimes when

I think about all that I have to cover before my coming

mocks and how the ruthless clock only continues ticking forwards.

I remember being confused and a tiny bit hurt by

actions of certain people, being moved by past fears,

but I've decided not to be moved, even by a slightest inch, anymore.

Because all that I've come to notice is that,

if you flip those worries inside out,

then all the answers are there, waiting for you to notice them.

If every tiny thing I do comes with a consequence,

it also means that every bit that I study, no matter how small

shall have its effect when I have to answer those

questions on that important sheet of paper later on.

Of course, every little bit that I work on will have its tiny benefits.

The fact that the clock will only continue forwards means

that I should just leave the worrying to yesterday,

because it's already a different day, so I should be looking at

what I can achieve and do today instead of trying to

stop time's everlasting flow.

If people want to say things they don't mean,

then their words will just lose meaning to me

and together with those words, they too will lose meaning to me.

Those foolish fears of the past should be just benchmarks

of how much courage is needed for me to

once again put my trust into someone,

instead of being chains that stop me from trusting.

And it helps to think that, at some point in time,

some things that I've said or done
might have hurt some one without my realizing it.
So it's probably the same, except that I was on the receiving end.

I remember this line from Breaking Dawn
(yes, excuse me from quoting from sappy vamp stories)
that if you were to turn the tapestry of that happy moment
described there, it'd be woven with grey lines of worries.
So, if I were to turn over my tapestry of worries,
there should be a colourful rainbow woven behind it, no?

So sometimes, when we're enveloped by all these
worries and despairs, maybe we're just looking
at the wrong side of the tapestry.
Those grey line will always be there,
but will you choose to look for the bright side
and know that even with those grey lines,
a beautiful pattern is on the other side,
or to forever stare at those grey lines and be shaken?
Because I think I know what I'll choose to do. :)

(Yes I had to look for a FMA tapestry.
That's a human transmutation circle btw O.o)

.:: Only Human ::.

2011-08-03T04:02:00.000-07:00

Caution: Plenty of rambling ahead,

followed by Kei's Only Human,

the song that kept playing while I was writing this

blogpost so it deserves to have some spotlight.

I guess once in a while, I too,

need to let out some steam.

I wonder why is it that

people tend to forget I'm pretty much human too.

I make mistakes too.

I have times when I'm super blur as well.

I have places I have to fall down before I can stand up

and become stronger.

But

I'm not allowed to fall.

I'm not allowed to cry.

I'm not allowed to make mistakes.

Like there are chains binding me,

restraining me from movements

I should be able to make.

I cannot fall because of the people

I don't want to disappoint.

I cannot cry because these tears in my eyes

will hurt more than just me.

But I cannot understand why

I must not make mistakes.

Because I can and I will, for I am human too.

And that's what all humans have to go through.

If its for the sake of living up to someone's expectations,

then that's something I cannot do.

For the minute I start worrying about what someone else's

thoughts, I won't be able to take care of myself.

So sorry if I let you down,

my hands are pretty full at the moment.

The only expectations I have to live up to

are my own -- and I've already decided to give it my all.

Because I am only human and that's the most I can do.

So stick with me through it,

otherwise, the door out's that way.

Only Human - Kei (English translation)

On the opposite coast of sadness
is something called a smile
But before we can go there,
is there something we’re waiting for?

In order to chase our dreams, we can’t have a reason to run away
We’ve got to go, to that far away summer’s day

If we find it tomorrow, we can’t sigh
Because like a boat that opposes the stream
we have to walk straight on

In a place worn down by sadness
something called a miracle, is waiting
Yet we are still searching
for the sunflower that grows at the end of spring

The warrior who awaits the morning light
before he can clasp it with red nails, his tears glitter and fall

Even if we’ve grown used to loneliness
only relying on the light of the moon
We have to fly away with featherless wing
just go foward, just a little further
As the rainclouds break
the wet streets sparkling
Although it brings only darkness
A powerful, powerful light
helps push us to walk on

.:: One step closer to becoming a vampire ::.

2011-07-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

First it was just the nocturnal-ness,

which I tried to cure,

but it ended up with me sleeping more than ever necessary.

And now.

After yesterday, I think I've pretty much

gotten used to the taste and the scent of blood.

I know perfectly well how

'throbbing fangs' feel like,

if ever that was used to describe a vampire.

All that's left now is to upgrade my brain

and I could probably join Kaname's class.

I guess seeing things this way makes it a lot

better than screaming Armageddon

for having my teeth pulled out.

My tear ducts have dried up,

together with any signs of indecisiveness & regret.

No matter what I do now,

there's no way back,

the only path open for me is forwards.

Yesterday, when I decided on something that

I did spend time regretting on,

I had placed a bet.

A bet that I could withstand this,

that a little pain like this would be nothing

against my will to fight for what I've always held important.

And I don't plan on losing this bet.

So goodbye, regret,

as easy as it is to dwell on you,

I hate losing more than that.

And I have someone I cannot let down.

I cannot let go my current purpose of existence.

And I know I won't.

Because He's up there.

And the Wind is here with me. :)

If all works well, we'll know that God's

so kind that He even blesses vampires like myself.

And I have a feeling He will.

.:: It's like having just drunk a glass of refreshing juice and suddenly having hiccups ::.

2011-07-07T04:41:00.000-07:00

何かあるわけじゃないのに
なぜか悲しい
心のどこかがぽっかり
あいたみたい

It's been a good day really,

but I wonder why,

there's that little sigh.

It's like just having drunk a glass

of refreshing juice and

suddenly having hiccups.

Hmm.

.:: The sudden rain, although short, really made me happy :) ::.

2011-06-25T02:25:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how some things happen without warning

and you find that it overlaps with

something else that had just happened.

And when that happens, you find that

those everyday things that we usually overlook

have hidden meanings,

God's little messages to us. :)

I just love little revelations,

it's like solving a code,

a real-life math equation.

Me and my siblings really do argue a lot.

We're siblings, but there are loads of things that

we don't see eye-to-eye on.

And we may call each other annoying and irritating a lot,

but when it counts, we're always there for each other.

And I know that I would never want to

replace any one of my siblings,

nor will I ever tolerate anyone else

picking on them.

It's one of those "I'm the only one that can

pick on my siblings" type of protectiveness. Hee. =D

Yesterday was just overflowing with good things.

And I can only hope and pray that this keeps up.

And soon, it'll be my turn huh?

1 more day till semester 3 starts.

And it's one of those 'mixed-feelings' moments again.

Nevertheless, there'll always be that sudden rain, ne?

How true. :)

.::Boundaries overstepped, it's time to turn back. ::.

2011-06-17T23:14:00.000-07:00

Mood:
If it would start raining,

everything would be just great.

Being at home just gives you that feeling of security.

But it also leaves you loads of time to

reflect upon yourself and think,

especially cause its the holidays.

I feel like I've been overstepping some boundaries lately,

especially when it comes to bed-time.

I know I've been nocturnal for a while,

but sleeping at 5am these past few days

has definitely taken its toll on my poor memory.

I can't believe I can even start being unable to recall

about my precious anime =/

This truly frightens me to no end.

I guess I'd better start sleeping at the right

times again soon before I wake up one day

and wonder who I am.

As for the other boundary(ies),

it feels like I've been living in some korean drama lately,

so it's definitely time to wake up and

remind myself why I'm here today.

I hate being misunderstood,

but I guess people's perceptions have a tendency to run.

And to fix those misconceptions,

I have to be more sure of myself.

If anything, I'm glad there are wake-up calls

for me when I need them.

I could hate whatever's happening right now,

the awkwardness of some situations are killing me,

but it's still hard to ignore that bright light

that's casting whatever shadows of doubt on me.

And so instead, I'll use that light to guide me.

Back to where I belong.

.:: It's nice to know we're still staring at the same skies ::.

2011-06-10T09:33:00.000-07:00

Mood:

Back at home again and everything feels like

its fallen back into place. :)

Grandma's helping me alter the length of my dress

for graduation (still can't believe I'm actually going to

wear a dress.) -- I guess that adds to my list of first-times in college.

First of all,

Happy Birthday to Nakaya! :)

お誕生日おめでとう!

Can't believe it's nearly three years since I've first

met him. Time passes sooo fast!

I hope you have a wonderful birthday :)
Actually woke up from a really nice dream today.

Well, by nice, I didn't mean the type of dream

where everything happens exactly the way you want it.

It was one of those dreams with a complete story-line,

another gift from God to write out.

But before that one was one that has been repeating

for quite some time and I was quite surprised

to find something that could come quite close to

it when I was randomly looking through deviantart.

Credits to the respected artist.

It'll be our little secret. Just Me and God. :)
And now I guess since I missed Mechanics today,

I'd best start working on it.

Wonder if I work on it hard enough,

the answers might appear in my dreams? =D

.:: Another reason why I love the rain is because you can stand under it and no one knows whether those tears are really yours. ::.

2011-06-08T23:38:00.000-07:00

Mood:

Looking forward to some things and wishing

others would pass more slowly.

And then after that, wishing that

I wouldn't need to wish for anything right now

because everything I could possibly need is already right here.

Apparently, some part of me thinks differently.

AS is over.

What seemed like something that was still coming

was done and over with before I realized it.

And here I am, still waiting for the post-AS symptoms

to come into effect, but nothing seems to be happening.

I never thought I could actually get used to exams,

the butterflies in my tummy seemed to be always

ready to come out of their cocoons before exams.

I mean, sure, I did get freaked out as usual, minutes

before entering the exam hall and every now and then,

but that was about it.

Which is weird, considering how nervous I was before trials,

but I guess that's that and since it's already over,

it doesn't really matter anymore.

So much has happened since the last time I posted

and it seems like every time I look back in time,

I see so many wonderful memories and

yet, equally sad feelings weighed alongside the happy ones.

Third semester is coming and just like how the second

semester flew past, I have a feeling the clock will be

ticking much faster from here on.

Things have changed, feelings have changed,

people have changed.
I have changed.

I imagine myself years ago and the me right now,

and although a lot of things have stayed the same,

plenty of things have changed.

"The Me that I am now, could I possibly reflect

all of those days in these small eyes of mine?"

My story has definitely been written

with a different pen once college started.

So many new experiences, so many first-times.

And so many loved ones.

Ones I will miss dearly when the time comes.

Ones that I must learn to let go when the time comes

yet hold dear forever in my heart.

I guess all these moody thoughts arose because

graduation night is just next Monday.

It's not like we're really graduating, but still.

I guess when the time comes,

I'll just go stand under the rain.

And then no one will be able to tell whose tears those are.

.:: If You Had Just One Wish ::.

2011-04-13T23:14:00.000-07:00

Mood: Still tired from the extra long

bus ride home yesterday,

but that's nothing a little time at home can't change. :D

Feeling very much in the InuYasha mood right now,

so if you don't watch InuYasha,

you probably might not get some of the things I'm writing here.

Was listening to Tackey & Tsubasa's
Sotsugyou; Sayonara Wa Ashita No Tame
which translates to
Graduation; Goodbye for the sake of tomorrow
and couldn't stop imagining the scene
where Kikyo fell off that cliff into the miasma
and the look on InuYasha's dace when he couldn't save her.
(yes this song was the background music for
that particular scene)
The first line of the song really stuck in my head
and it got me thinking.

"もしも一つだけ, たった一つだけ

かなえられるなら何を祈るかな？"

"If you had just one wish,

and only just one wish that could come true,

what would you wish for?"

A week ago, (and most times, actually)

I would wish for more time.

I guess it's pretty normal to wish for that

when you're cramming for mocks and the clock's

just ticking away and you try and make every

minute worth it, but something just gets in the way

and you wish you've got more time.

And now that it's the holidays, some part

of me is still wishing for the same,

that I'd have more time before AS comes.

But then again, there was a point in time

that I did have nothing but time (lols no pun intended)

and I really can't say that it was spent productively.

In fact, having lots of time with little to do, is just boring.

It's probably the fact that the time we have is limited that

makes things special.

It's knowing that we could never turn back the

hands of time, that makes us

cherish the moment and treasure it forever.

And once wishing for more time is out of the picture,

I don't think there's possibly anything else I would wish for.

Yes there could be tons of things that I could want,

but when I think about it deeply,

none of those small little wants really matter,

because I have everything that's important to me

right here.

So little genie, if I do get the privilege of making that one wish,

I'd wish for the good health of everyone around me,

so that things would be as they are right now. =)

Guess this post is more of a reminder to myself

(knowing how forgetful I am nowadays)

that what's truly important has always been

right here in front of me after all.

Just like how InuYasha has Kagome. :)

Even if my Shikon No Tama is incomplete at the moment,

and there are still thousands of shards out there,

I'll find them slowly, step-by-step, though I know,

that when its finally complete,

I probably won't need it to make anymore wishes.

.:: This One's For My S3 Family ::.

2011-02-24T04:01:00.000-08:00

Mood: Kinda sleepy given that I haven't really been sleeping well

lately, but I know I will be after this. :)

Being stuck in a traffic jam,

queuing in an exaggeratively long line,

having to stare at the number plate of the same

car for so long till you can practically memorize it

and still keep it in your head for the next few days

gives one a lot of time to ponder about things.

And well, since I haven't been updating my blog lately

here's just a new post to keep the blog alive.

It's funny how now when I actually have

tons to write about,

I don't exactly update as often compared

to back when I had nothing much to write about.

So anyways, I was talking with Mum on the phone,

telling her that I was on my way home,

but I was stuck in a really long traffic jam

where the cars were nearly immobile.

And we were talking about something

which I'm not gonna to talk about here since it's not

my story to tell and after she hung up and all,

it got me thinking.

8 months ago, (has it really been only 8 months?)

I would've never imagined myself being the way I am now.

8 months ago, I didn't know my S3 family that well yet.

8 months ago, we were strangers from

different walks of life, who would've probably just

passed each other by and not know what we've missed.

8 months ago, I could've never imagined being

able to talk so freely with you people,

teasing and laughing at each other's lame jokes,

never once feeling out of place.

8 months ago was when...

I first met my 'twin sister' who has so much in common

with me, that we quite often have synchronized thoughts,

say the same things at the same time

and make the same mistakes in math.

We would be perfect twins, except that she's

Miss Malaysia and I'm the anime freak :)

I met the most bubbly person on Earth who is capable

of making me laugh any time of the day,

regardless of the situation. She's like the sun,

always spreading her joyfulness

and always making me feel special. :)

She's also gifted to have this special ability to

have telepathic understanding when something

over-18 is mentioned. :P

I met the most stylish girl who's awesome in making

handicraft items and accessories. She has this extensive arsenal of

mathematical formulas as well as 'shortcuts' to do

tricky questions. She's also honest and straightforward,

and she amazes me with her courage

to openly admit who she likes. :)

I met the closest foster brother I've ever had,

who happens to be the first guy I talked

to since entering this college.

8 months ago, I would've never imagined myself

learning korean if not due to his influence,

what more calling this guy 'oppa'.

He has this ability to tell a lot about a person,

just by observing,

guess that's cause of the huge goldfish eyes :P

I met this really ~~'annoying'~~ debater

(whom I might have trashed in my first TS class :D)

who insists on bullying me,

but somehow his bullying is an epic fail since

I knew it was all for fun and that he's a really

nice person on the inside.

I'd never forget the effort he put into our Malaysian

studies assignment, not to mention coming for dance

practice even when he was fasting.

Oh and no one can imitate a seal better than him. :D

I met this really 'sarcastic' person who I never thought

I'd be able to talk casually to,

what more make fun of. :D

The way he reacts when he finds difficulty in solving

a math question really makes me laugh,

because I never thought I'd see such a cute childish side to him,

since he's always so mature,

making me feel like I'm the youngest in class,

though I'm not. :P

I met this maths genius who loves maths just as

much as I do. It's funny how he sometimes

transports himself to another world when solving math

questions. And I'd never thought I'd be able to

talk to him about anime, but I'm glad I was wrong :D

I met this ~~girl~~ guy who has long hair that really

suits him, though he does get mistaken as a girl sometimes.

(especially by Ms Amy -- though that's more on purpose now :P)

He's really easy to chat with and we both love AXN anime :)

I'm guessing he's really awesome with the guitar since

he gives lessons, so I can't wait to hear him play one day :D

I met this guy who has the most unique nickname ever.

Never imagined I'd be calling someone Yoga.

The only other member of my S3 family to take economics.

He's really accommodating and has a good personality.

I met this guy who's quiet most times

but has a really nice smile and is easy to talk to.

The only other person in my class who's from Pahang. :D

I met this other guy who's usually with the Pahang-ian

and sometimes can be mistaken as emo-ing when

he just stands at the corridors staring into blank space. :P

He looks like th quiet type, but you'll be surprised to find out he's not.

I like that he really loves his religion,

because I can understand what it feels like to be really

thankful to God.

(Because after all, I only have God to thank

for letting me meet all these people in the first place)

Do you think you could guess

who I was talking about in each paragraph? :D

8 months ago,

I would've never thought that these 11 people,

together with my lecturers and some important few

from my economics class (the next post will be about people :D),

would be the reason

why I look forward to Mondays.

I never imagined hosting my first poolside barbecue

and having so much fun with them.

I never imagined that these would be the people

I would miss on the weekends and during holidays.

And I know for sure now,

that these are the people I'd be missing badly

when the year ends (but I don't want to think about that yet)

It's kind of a random post,

but I want to thank them for being in my life. :)
I'm saying all of this now, because I don't want these

words to go unheard.

I don't want to wait until we part ways to say that

I appreciate having them as my friends

and that I want us all to be friends forever. :)

So here's one for my S3 Family,

I love you. <3

.:: Memories of 2010 ::.

2011-01-15T18:22:00.000-08:00

Mood: :)

Woaah. Look at the time.

Well, actually more of 'look at the date'.

Without me realizing it, 2010 has just disappeared

and Momiji's year has stepped in.

I'm expecting wonderful things to happen
in your year, Momiji. :)

Maybe a Fruits Basket Season 2? :D

Anyways, I guess this is one of the posts where

I summarize everything that I have done

back in 2010, Kisa's year.

I guess the year of the Tiger does ask you to be

strong like a tiger, because I think

that's where I learnt most of life's lessons

or reinforce them anyways.

The amount of tears shed in 2010

beats the rest of the years flat,

but because of that, maybe, just maybe,

I've grown a bit stronger?

And by persevering,

I think all those tears were worth it.

The beginning of 2010 was the scariest time

of my life. Grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer

and the search for the best hospital began.

It didn't help that Grandma was extremely stubborn

about getting treatment,

but I guess my persistence paid off.

I prayed every night for her to be well

and well, maybe I shouldn't mention the other half

of my prayers, or I'd probably get scolded :D
But that was probably the time that I cried the

most in my life.

Could never imagine how life would be without her,

and now, thank God I don't have to.

But, like earlier posts,

everything seemed to have a bright side to it.

When my grandma was hospitalized in Penang,

(she finally chose the GH there cause it was her hometown)
my cousins, who I rarely see nowadays,

came all the way from KL to visit.

And I guess we sort of bonded :)

Age and distance had somehow distanced us

in the past few years, but it finally feels

like those good old days when we were all

part of the same Power Rangers team

(like literally in PR pajamas)

and our yearly trips to Genting together.

And it was the first CNY spent in Penang :)
Also the first CNY spent with my cousins.

(Because usually we go back to Terengganu

and they come down to Kuantan)

Like everyone who's experienced it before will know,

post-SPM year can either bring a lot of joy

or it could kill hope and disappoint you.

I was really glad to have gotten 9A+2As,

but I would be lying if I said I wasn't a bit disappointed

that I didn't do better.

And it didn't help that the scholarships

I got, were ones I didn't really want,

due to my indecisiveness during applications.

And of course, when it comes to these applications,

I did have to face selfish people

who I seriously thought was/were rather a good friend(s)

and was back stabbed.

But in the same light, I also found people

who were kind and willing to share

eventhough it we were rivals in getting scholarships,

and the two sides of the coin began to look clearer to me.

And all the interviews experienced were

really fun and meaningful.

I would never forget Khazanah's,

Shell's and Petronas' interviews,

places where I learned a few lessons,

and got to know a few awesome people

in the process. :)

Spending only a week or two in Form 6,

opened up my mind at how the common perception

of Form 6 being the worst choice,

was in actual fact, false.

I really loved my time in Form 6

but I guess I would never be able to willingly

want to take Pengajian AM :P

And I couldn't take Further Maths there. :/

My first experience being in an 'Amazing Race'-like

situation was in the Sunway Lagoon AMBP challenge.

Teamwork, efficiency, laughter and great fun.

At times like these, I'm really happy to be a blogger. :D

And then came the July phase,

when I had to leave home for UCSI

to do A-levels in preparation for the pharmacy

course I was offered.

And that was when I realized,

for the first time, that there were things that

I didn't want to do.

I was always under the opinion that I would

be fine no matter what I had to study,

but I realized that I really wanted to do

further mathematics

and so I left.

But I wouldn't say my stay there

(though it was only a week)

was completely useless.

I experienced what it was like to

be living with housemates

and it was quite fun :)

And I really liked my bio lecturer there,

she was the only one who appealed to me.

Reminded me a lot of Ms Ong actually :)

My first day in Sunway felt like the day when

I stepped into a spot of sunshine.

The first people I met in Chemistry Class

were Pavallam and Clandia.

And after spending a day with people in my class,

seeing how the lecturers teach etc

I could already say for sure that

this was where I want to be.

(I can never forget that Thinking Skills debate haha :P )

And I am so glad I made that decision.

And I guess I learnt a little bit more about

decision-making.

Back in 2008 when I chose to shift,

I wasn't completely sure that I had made the right choice,

even though lots of wonderful stuff did happen,

I was always wondering what would have been different

if I had stayed back.

But now, considering the way things have turned out,

that was really silly of me,

because I now know that

the only way a decision made in the past can be a bad one

is if you let it be.

Decisions should be made with no regrets

and eventhough it's not wrong to look to the past,

you must never forget that the next step you're

taking is one forwards.

When Malaysian Studies came and we had to

do the cultural dance for Independence Day,

I was so afraid everything wouldn't work out,

given that there were already people unwilling to do it

immediately after it was announced.

But it was also because of this

that I discovered what wonderful people I had in my team

and I couldn't help wondering how everything had worked out

so wonderfully, how I had been once again so lucky :)

It was definitely my first time working with

such awesome people who were so cooperative

and helpful without expecting anything in return.

I had sooo much fun doing the dance

and I still laugh watching those videos,

especially when Alvin bumps into Harmeet

and Pav goes 'Oops!"

And the first failed Nagada :P

Thank you soooo much!! :)

And I knew that I was right to not stop

believing in God, since He's always been looking out for me. :)

And then, there's my S3 family,

one of my favourite things to talk about

when it comes to 2010.

Our two class outings (one with Ms Amy)

were really awesome!

And I love being in class with all of you everyday,

because we really are like a family.

It was my first time celebrating my birthday

with friends, and it really meant a lot to me :)

You make me wonder countless times

how kind God has been to me

by putting me in the same class as all of you. =)

Christmas 2010 was definitely the best Christmas ever.

Universal Studios Singapore is an awesome place.

OMGG the Mummy coaster! :D

Marina Bay had the prettiest view ever

and it was definitely my first time enjoying a view

of skyscrapers from a pool 56 floors high :D

And it sort of made me appreciate Malaysia a bit more,

how things here are so much cheaper than in Singapore

and we can eat as much as we want without having to convert

the value of everything we buy :P

All in all, I guess its safe to say that 2010 was

an awesome year despite starting off a bit slow.

All the memories made in 2010 are ones that I

will most definitely treasure for life.

So let's make 2011 even better, yeah?

Three cheers for Kisa year! :D

They say a picture's worth a thousand words.

2010-12-27T22:51:00.000-08:00

Wonder how many words there are here from this collage.
[click for larger view]
But just to summarize;
Christmas in Singapore. Awesome. :)

Will be blogging about it when I feel likPublish Poste it =D

.:: 友達 ::.

2010-12-13T08:00:00.000-08:00

Mood: It has been raining so much lately,

can't help but smile every time I smell the scent of rain

and the sound it makes as each raindrop hits the earth.

友達.

Tomodachi.

Friends.

When it comes down to this,

a lot of us may not know the

true meaning of the word.

And if you're one of those people,

feeling lonely and completely without someone

to rely on, it's not that you're unfortunate,

it's just that you haven't met the right people yet.

So don't give up and keep looking and you'll find them one day. :)

So I guess I should count myself lucky

to have found the people I know today.

And so here's a video I made

for my S3 family,

who have added even more meaning to the word

'Friends'.

.:: Butterfly ::.

2010-12-06T23:00:00.000-08:00

Mood: It's amazing how until today,

listening to Butterfly from Digimon

can jog a chain of nostalgic thoughts,

each one resonating strongly within me.

And how I always feel close to tears when I hear the chorus.

(Because I'll always be reminded of the ending of 01)

18 years.

It's been 18 years since December 6th, 1992

(which happens to be my Parents' Anniversary)

and here I am, waiting for the big change
that's 'supposed' to come with age.

Kinda like a caterpillar waiting to come out of

it's cocoon and spreading its wings to become a butterfly.

But I don't feel different, so it's safe to say

I'm still the same me, on the inside.

Yesterday, the minute I woke up,

my siblings were complaining,

"Your phone's been so noisy!!

I feel like throwing it out of the window"

And it made me smile, because of the many people who

remembered me, despite being busy with their everyday lives.

Same goes for you people who flooded my wall

on Facebook with your wishes. Thanks so much. :)

We had a lovely breakfast, nothing extraordinary,

but it was really good to me :)

My sister bought me a bag ( a reallyyy pink one!)

so I started using it, younger sister got me some accessories,
and my youngest brother got me earrings :D
Which I'm quite happy with especially the T-cross ones :D

But it was when my mum asked me what I wanted

for my birthday, that my mind went blank,

unable to think of anything for an answer.

And I'm kinda glad, because it could

only mean that I've already got everything

I could possibly want. :)

It feels like life's pretty much perfect right now.

In the end, we didn't buy a cake

(because I don't really like cakes)

and we didn't go back to Kuantan,

because some things popped up.

But we did spend an entire day together,

arguing, joking around, laughing, hearing each other out.

Pretty much an average day.
But I still liked it. :)

So, looking back 18 years,
how much have I changed and what's still the same?

Obviously, my physical growth would be the biggest change.
I used to be petite, but now I'm surprised that I'm taller
than some people who I've always thought would be taller than me.
I guess my voice probably has changed,
can't sing as much high notes as I used to be able to. :/
Personality-wise, I'm hoping I'm a better person now,
it'll take a lot before I'll give up on anything :)
And I guess that's partially thanks to anime :D
Haha, owh yeah, 18 years back, I couldn't speak or write Japanese,
so that's a change.

Things that haven't changed?
1. My love for anime :) And this will NEVER change.

2. My ringtone -- been having the same one
ever since I got my first phone :D
Oh and my phone theme's always been anime,
custom made. :D

3. My hair colour? Actually I've been having the same
hairstyle till a few months back when I had the layer cut.
Haha, and the length of my hair's approximately the same :P

4. My habit of singing when I like what I'm doing,
or when things get tough and I need a mood change.

Okay, so this is wayy harder than I thought.

But who cares how much I've changed or
how much have I didn't?
One thing's for sure, I'll always be me,
so I'm guessing that's all that counts.

Some time back, I would always complain that because
my birthday was during the holidays,
I'd never get the chance to celebrate it with friends.
But then, I found out it was my parent's anniversary
and never said a word since.
And then, this year, I did manage to celebrate it with friends,
so I guess there's nothing left to complain about.

It's funny how things always have two sides to it when
you observe well enough.
Just like how the light and darkness co-exist,
bad things can never come without the good.
Every cloud has its silver lining,
when it rains, the stars shine brighter in the night.
And depending on which side of the coin
you choose to look at,
you'll be able to embrace everything.
Or so I think haha :D

So it doesn't matter that with each
birthday I get older and that I have to finally
learn about the adult world,
because just like everything else, there's got
to be a bright side to this.
Where the shadows are, there has to be a light source.
All I have to do is find it. :)

.:: A Voice From The Past ::.

2010-11-04T02:04:00.001-07:00

Mood: Happy because I'm back in my hometown,
Kuantan and that it's been raining,
but above all it's because
everything feels perfect right now.
(No matter how imperfect it might actually be)

It's funny how things eventually all work out.
I know the saying that everything happens for a reason,
but I never really did believe it until, maybe, now.
Every time there's a quiet moment in college,
I can't help but smile as I think about all the wonderful
things that have happened until now.
And I can't help but thank God profusely for all the
nice things He's set for me,
and Lady Luck for being by my side.

I finally feel like myself again,
I finally feel like the old me who I've been searching
desperately for ever since 'The Shift".
I know, in some ways, I have changed
and although I don't necessarily like some of the
changes that have taken place,
I gladly welcome the rest. :)

I must admit that I kinda dislike the fact that I'm being
corrupted by my friends, but I guess, it's a bit inevitable.
Knowing these things won't change who I am anyways,
as long as I don't let it happen.

It's kinda stupid, but I was always afraid of growing up,
not because of the increasing responsibilities,
(heck it feels the same no matter what age I am)
not because it means I'm getting older
or my countdown gets closer.
Somewhere deep inside,
I was always afraid that I'd never be
able to see things the same way again,
no longer be able to see things in the perspective of a child.
I was afraid of losing the real me, though I've always known
that could never happen.

When I read letters that I wrote to myself when I was
younger, I feel amazed that I could've known so much
back then.
How in the world, did I, as a child,
know the right words to write to myself in the future?
Every word written years ago, resonated loudly.
And I find myself comparing myself to the past me,
wishing that I could be like her.
It's really stupid, I know, but I did.

Children are so amazing. They can see so much
that we miss in our daily lives.
How many times do you stop to look at the sky and
marvel at the lovely clouds decorating the azure skies?
It's been so long since I last stopped to listen to the
melodies of the rain and felt the wind blowing into my face.
I can't believe it took a letter from a 15 year old me to remind
me of who I am and who I will always be.
And another letter written much recently,
that puts all the puzzle pieces back into the right places.

Time flies so fast, things change,
that sometimes you lose yourself in the paths of time.
But I'm glad that I found myself again,
and that I've got a place to belong to once more.
I'm glad I never gave up on making friends
just because I got betrayed more than once.
I'm glad I never gave up on God,
just because things seemed like a mess once upon a time.
I'm glad I never gave up.
I'm glad I was born.
I'm just glad. :)

And I never want to lose sight of who I am again.
And I never will :)

.:: It's like finding the place you were always meant to be ::.

2010-10-22T06:22:00.000-07:00

Mood: It hasn't been raining much lately,

but I've been absolutely happy. :)

It's been ages since I've last blogged

and it's not surprising considering how busy I've been

in the past few months.

(Actually it's only been at most 3 months,

but it feels like I've already completed a whole

semester, what with the amount of stuff

we're learning every day)

College is awesome!

That would pretty much summarize my entire post.

I remember those times when I loved going to school

so much, that I would go even if I wasn't feeling well.

I guess I have to say the same about college.

(It would be disastrous to miss any classes anyways,

at the speed we're going)

But somehow, even with all the work we're doing,

how much we're cramming in in such a short period of time,

it doesn't pressure me at all.

And I have my friends to thank for that. :)

If I were to describe my life in college,

I wonder where I should start?

With the fact that I'm doing all the subjects I love

which makes every class worth going to?

Or the fact that I can share absolutely anything

with the girls; Harmeet, Pav, Clandia,

Zahrah, Ummaira etc

without feeling awkward?

Or the fact that there's always a reason to laugh in class,

either cause of Yow Wai's witty sarcasm,

Aryl's blur-ness in the way he asks questions,
Sien Son's excitement in completing a tough math question
(which reminds me of myself sometimes hahax),
Jee An's lame math jokes or
jokes and teases about Yow Wai's age and
Fariz's long hair.

Class would never be complete without
Iqhwan, Fateh and Yoga too.
It's like we're this one 'big' S3 family.
And though I hate it when I get laughed at
for not understanding their perverted jokes,
it's nice to have everyone laughing so much
that I eventually feel like laughing too.

Oh, and when Malaysian studies and Econs
come, I have another class of people
that I like chatting with.
Teasing Stephenas and Hafizul never seems to
get old, just like how much I tease Alvin and Sue Yinn
together hahax. (they're so gonna murder me if
they ever read this.)
Alvin's been a major big bully recently
(though comparatively better than Aryl in terms
of irritating-ness),but it's okay,
since it's easy to get revenge on him.
Bwahahahahahahaha,

Of course, let's not forget our lecturers. :D
It's really awesome that we have such
sporting math lecturers that spoil us with
knowledge and fun :)
I love how we can easily joke with Ms Amy,
(class is rarely quiet when she's around since it's
too fun for that) and how Ms Yap will gladly
answer just about any question we ask,
no matter how irrelevant it may be,
and actually bother explaining it in detail.
The fact that she doesn't mind telling us stuff
out of syllabus is pretty cool too :D

Physics with Ms Deborah is good too,
with all her stories for examples (though sometimes
violent and gory ones) especially the
one about the mer'maid'. :P
Having Mr Nedu for Econs somehow eases the
fear & lack of confidence I have for the subject
(cause of my lack of general knowledge which I am
'trying' to improve) since Econs is a lot more than just theory.

I wonder if there is a bigger and more bombastic word
to describe the fun I'm having when I'm in college?
For now, let's just stick with 'awesome', shall we?
Yes, college life is good.
It's like finding the place you were always
meant to be.

.:: So Close!! ::.

2010-09-14T02:17:00.000-07:00

Mood: Almost there, just a few more hours of editing

and it's going to be done!

Even before SPM started,

ever since I watched the Yusei X Aki Lovestory

Video, I've been itching and itching to make my very own

AMV of Special A and YGO 5D's using

Taylor Swift's Love Story.

Months passed, and it was left undone.

Weeks before college started,

I finally completed it,

but put off the touch-ups till later.

Then came the AMV Competition

hosted by the Anime Club of my college,

and it gave me a bit more motivation to touch-up

on my video;

adjusting frame size, timing, water-marks,

credits etc.

Now all that's left is to upload it.

Muahahahahahaha!

It feels great to have completed something. :)

Next up, Malaysian Studies assignment.

.:: So it's back to college once more ::.

2010-08-22T02:10:00.000-07:00

Mood: A bit sad since I'm going to

be leaving home once more to go to KL.

But no worries, as I'm coming back on Thursday

this week, since Friday's a holiday :D

Yesterday, went out with an unexpected

visitor to Old Town Kopitiam together with Pink.

It's been quite a while since I've last been there,

kinda miss the Milk Tea and the nice

kaya butter sandwiches.

Later at night, we went to watch The Last Airbender,

a movie adaptation of the famous

cartoon Avatar; The Last Airbender.

CG effects were good, adaptation-wise not so.

I hated it, to be honest.

Aang and Uncle Iroh's name were pronounced so wrongly,

I couldn't help correcting Katara and Zuko each time they

called their names wrong.

Princess Yue was as beautiful as she is in the cartoon though,

so that's sort of a consolation.

Sokka became this whole new other character,

he's no longer the funny and amusing Sokka anymore. :(

Big loss.

So, there's three hours left on the clock

before I hop on that vehicle and bid Kuantan goodbye

till next Thursday.

Well, might as well get started on packing now,

if I'm gonna make it back.
But first, I'm gonna watch this recent episode of Yumeiro Patissiere :D

.:: Home Sweet Home ::.

2010-08-20T02:02:00.000-07:00

Mood: Pretty happy to have reached home by

evening, considering the fact that every time I

come home it's always early Saturday mornings.

It's been ages since I last blogged;

guess I really have been too caught up in college life.

But once in a while, moments like this come up,

things slow down for a while and I get to

slowly appreciate life the way it is.

How long has it been since I've left the Me who was in Form 5?

How long has it been since all the hassle of going for

interviews?

How long has it been since I left UCSI and rejected JPA's offer?

How long has it been since I did what I finally wanted to do

by entering Sunway UC?

At the end of the day, I'm pretty happy about what has

happened so far, eventhough at that time I couldn't have said the same.

I'm glad that I didn't stop believing in God

and that He didn't stop believing in me.

I'm glad everything happened the way it did

because if it didn't, then I wouldn't be where I am today.

Because I love where the paths of time have taken me,
and I would never want to go back in time.

As always,
It's great to be home, though it's only been a week
since I've last been here.
Everything from the air, the birds chirping, the way
sunlight creeps into my windows in the early mornings,
and even the not-so-pleasant voices of my noisy siblings
disturbing my sleep,
all welcome me home.
It's like all the pieces of a scrambled jigsaw being
pieced together again.
It's complete once more.
SO much to do, so little time.
=)